I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
