um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
