my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
