her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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