An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
