Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
