I wish I could teleport
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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