Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
