I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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