I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
