Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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