i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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