yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
