remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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