I'm drive I can fine osifer
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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