I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
