conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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