But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
