Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
