So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
