I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
