Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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