He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're too hungover to prance.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
