So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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