Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
