it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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