Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
