Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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