I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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