Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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