so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
