eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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