Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
