That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your penis caused this!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
