Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize