You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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