So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
