I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
