I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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