I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
