after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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