Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
