My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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