My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
