since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize