a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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