I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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