he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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