I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
