Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
