R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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