don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
love makes seman taste better
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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