fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
