yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.