Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"