I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.