you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
