Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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